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Saturday, April 23, 2011

Stumbling and Falling and Slowing Down

I spent the first 5 months of 2007 in a whirl of stumbling, falling, hurting and being healed. In those 5 months, I visited the ER on 4 different occasions. Three times for stitches and once for a broken ankle - which required an operation and 25 stitches. My children will strongly attest to the fact that I am often clumsy. I was in the place of overwhelmed. My mind was on how to survive in the long run, forget the present moment.  So I tripped and slipped and my life as I knew it abruptly stopped. The stopping season came after my broken ankle, when I literally could not get around without, much to my embarrassment, a walker. (I would have killed myself on crutches.) Slowing down was no longer an option. I know that this has happened to me before - alot! I don't think God causes these times, but He is a master at using our circumstances to lead us through our life lessons. And I had and most likely have many lessons to learn about speeding through life. 

Slowing down..... Not something our society encourages or accepts. Getting stuff done is of the ultimate concern and we are led to believe the more we do, the better we "are." I have tried that. And talk about stumbling and falling. I was a walking example, so to speak, of the slogan "Help!  I've fallen and I can't get up!" I just lived into it. Was it ever stressful and exhausting! As I've whizzed around Fort Worth the last three years trying not to be late, I have over and over put myself into the speeding mode. I made myself crazy trying to be on time. I usually was, but it was at the peril of other cars as I speeded to my destination. 

So for Lent this year, I gave up rushing and playing solitaire. I did pretty good. Last time I gave up rushing for Lent, it overflowed into the rest of the year. And since Lent began, I have become more peaceful and calm inside. Maybe I am just at that part of life where life in the 'fast lane' is truly a negative action. In the presence of Jack, my grandson, I see and feel how I rushed through my own children's lives to get to the next whatever. And how I regret that. But maybe it was just a mom-of-small-children thing.  Whatever... but I intend not to wish away Jack's childhood, but enjoy every minute I have with him. 

Plus, with slowing down, I do not stumble or fall nearly as much, and I have realized that it is OK to ask for help when I do fall. Because God sends someone to give me a hand up.  That my allowing others to help me is a gift to them. I know God has been and will always there to catch me, because even in a slower mode of life, things will trip me up. 

Solitare will be addressed at length later.

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Great Dance

God is always with me because He resides within me
As I stand united with him, I am most wholly myself
More than at any other time.
He/I move me to the right paths,
If slowly and stumbly sometimes.
We do not always see eye-to-eye on what path to take (my retrospect vision is always so much clearer)
And, if necessary, He takes me and turns me in the right direction
Beginning again on the journey
To the person He has rightly created me to be.
Amazingly, we do this dance over and over.
I step on His toes, we bump into others, careen off walls, (when I am trying to lead)
But the dance goes on.
Hurt toes heal, others forgive, missteps become fluid movement;
Twirls fling me out, then draw me back in.
And when it seems to me that we finally are dancing the same dance
The music changes and I stumble and stop – embarrassed – for a while.
He waits patiently when I need to be a wallflower
Until I am ready for the next dance lesson.
He has already filled in every line on my
Dance card with His gracious name.
And for this I am so grateful
As only He knows the right steps to the next
Dance of life we will share.